Notes from Nathan: Don't Let Fear Choose You

When fear strikes, how do you respond?  Fear, in my opinion,  is the number one thing that keeps us from reaching our fullest potential.   The funny thing is that we can't see, smell, touch or taste it.  I have been working with a top producing executive for several months.  She asked for coaching around how to rid herself of fear.  I suggested that she record herself saying positive affirmations and playing them every night before bed.  After three weeks, she told me that whenever she feels fear creeping up on her, she hears herself giving her permission to take the risk.  I told her to think positive every second, every minute and every hour.  It's like growing and flexing a new muscle.

Our subconscious mind allows us to dwell on the negative more than the positive.  I have seen it time and time again and I myself have first hand experience of it.  We could get 100 praises but it is that one iota of negative feedback that has us retreat to a place of disappointment.  I'm here to tell you my friends that it takes the same amount of energy to focus on the positive as it does to dwell on the negative.  It is a matter of choice and declaration.

I challenge you today to declare that you are a winner.  Empower yourself to believe and succeed!  Surround yourself with people who will lift you up and see you as your higher self.  Don't let fear rule your mental space.  You were designed to win.  Claim your place in the winners circle.  Don't let fear choose you.

Sevenly yours,

Notes from Nathan: Give Yourself Credit

hat's up Future?  It's been a few weeks since I've posted.  As much as I love utilizing this interface as a sounding board to express myself and share it with the world, I've just been too darn busy.  By the grace of God, I landed a job where I can not only generate money, but I am also able to use my leadership skills and creativity.

On the train ride to work last Friday, I got into a conversation with this woman.  Articulate, attractive and touchy.  Every other sentence, she placed her hand on my forearm.  Initially, I was like "girl, you don't know me, back up!"  However, I allowed her to be herself on this short train ride.  She asked me to tell her about myself.  I was stumped because rarely does a total stranger to ask you about YOU.  Initially, I was going to paint this picture like I was just an average guy, but instead, I told her who I was.  I focused on my accomplishments during my lifetime because again, it's not very often that many of us toot our own horns, well, there are a select few and they know who they are.  At any rate, before I get long winded as many of you know I can do, it was just refreshing to hear myself talk about where I came from.  And I am proud of myself.  I get those moments where I'm like "God why me?", but then I ask, why not me.  I know I have a purpose for being here.  I just need to acknowledge it every now and then.  You should do the same for yourself.

Give yourself credit today.  Share with someone who you are.

Until next week...

It's been a frustrating past few months.  This site has been a labor of love for me.  I've poured a great deal of energy into it along with my partners in media, but for some reason it hasn't caught on in the way that we had envisioned.  It made me start to process things differently and my conclusion was that number one, there are a great number of black men who don't read and number two if it's not gossip or mainstream, gay men aren't interested.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure we haven't always had the most interesting articles on the site, but we do give a different perspective on things.  We have reached out for contributors and hoped to make a difference in the black gay community.

I question where the leadership is in the black community and I can't help but to come back to club promoters.  Club promoters seem to be the only ones who can get a large number of black gay men to 'show up'.  Is that all we are about?  Partying.  Fashion.  Sex.  I was engaged in a conversation with someone recently (a gay white marketing executive) and he told me that according to major companies, black gay men don't exist, which is why there are no sponsorship dollars allotted to us.  I wasn't completely surprised, but he went on to say that black gay men don't provide any information about themselves so they don't know how to reach us.  It seems that the only way we can be tracked is to become infected but that's a whole other can of worms that I'm not quite ready to open right now.

All of this leads me to the question... What are we committed to?  Who are we committed to and quite frankly, I keep coming up with nothing.  Are we committed to each other?  I wonder.

Notes from Nathan: Am I Ready To Die Alone?

I generally like to keep my notes uplifting, but it's been a challenging week for me and life isn't always sunshine and roses.  A dear friend of mine had been out of contact with me for over two months.  I generally like to send out random text messages to people in my phone just to let them know that while they may not be thinking about me, I am thinking about them.  After getting no response from him via text and then trying to contact him on the phone to no avail, I decided to go by his house.  I went to his house on Tuesday around 11am and there was no answer.  I knew that his landlord was home because his car was in the driveway so I rang his bell.  Off to the side of the house came a disheveled elderly black man wearing a t-shirt, sweatpants and unmatched socks.  I inquired about my friend and was told that he had passed away three weeks ago.  I was saddened.  My friend was HIV+ and I knew that he had complications during the latter part of 2009, but I didn't tend to him like I should have.  It made me think about my HIV+ brothers and sisters out there who will most likely die alone unless we learn to better embrace one another.

Black gay men (& some women) have a tough time in communities outside of their own.  I have discovered that in our very own communities, we aren't as loving and caring as we should be.  Could it be because many of us were never taught how to love?  It's a long standing conversation that I have with myself and my friends around the fact that black men are not taught how to love?  If we were, we surely would not be making babies and abandoning their mothers.  We surely would not knowingly pass along viruses and STDs to our fellow brothers and sisters.  This conversation haunts me a few times a week.  I question my own leadership and whether or not I can do something about it and I keep coming up short.

I don't have a large family.  I don't have any children of my own.  My friendship circle seems to shrink with each new year and I'm not getting any younger.  So, I ask myself, am I ready to die alone?  I came into this world alone, so it would be no surprise to leave it alone, but I wonder.

When you think about that special friend who may be going through an illness, take time to comfort that person.  Enjoy that person while they are here in the flesh.  Tell them you love them.  Don't let them die alone.

Enjoy your Thursday!

Notes from Nathan: Are You Investing in YOU?

 

aving a disposable income has it's pluses and minuses.  In my experience of having 'extra money', I have to say that I haven't been the most responsible with my money.  When I grew up, there was no education about money.  They taught me English, Math, History, Science, Physical Education and more, but never was there a class called MONEY.  My grandmother gave me a few quarters to go buy candy, never did she say, one day you will end up with cavities that cost more than that candy.  My mother was instrumental in my saving habits, but it still wasn't enough.  When I look around at boys and girls in urban areas, all I see is bad habits taking shape.  As soon as they get some money, they run to the store and spend it on junk food.  They run to the mall to pick up the hoodie they saw in a Jay-Z video.  It's insanity at it's best.  But when do we break the cycle?

We are in an economic crisis yes we know, we are reminded practically everyday and it has people scared straight!

Do you think that if the media didn't remind us that things have gone haywire that you would continue doing things the way you are familiar?

Have you been paying closer attention to where your money is going?  Have you made a list?  Well it's time to start.  I am speaking specifically to my clubheads and bar hoppers right now.  Is alcohol and drugs an investment into your future?  Is that what you are committed to? Becoming an alcoholic or drug addict?  When was the last time you spent your money on personal growth and development? When was the last time you took a trip to someplace out of this country.  You only get one life and trust me from someone who knows, it's not in a cocktail, a blunt or a pipe.  We are living in a new age.  Now is the time to learn a new skill, even if you are working, it wouldn't hurt you to pick up a new language, learn a new software program, have your teeth cleaned for crying out loud! The liquor isn't going anywhere but your life is at stake! So do something!

Okay, I'm off of my soapbox.... for now at least.

Enjoy the rest of your Thursday!

Notes from Nathan: Gay Community Fears Leadership

Could it be that black gay men fear leadership?  I ask that question time and time again when I look in and around the community for role models.

Once upon a time, a personal acquaintance had the reigns as the black gay 'savior'.  He was that out black man that we saw on BET and CNN.  He was the one out there in the trenches rallying for our rights and our voice.  His popular website was the place to go for information and conversation on black gay culture.  Our savior has since denounced his title and has morphed his web presence to a mainstream audience and rightfully so.  For some reason, gay men aren't interested in seeing or hearing other men when it comes to politics or growth and development.  Mind you this is only my opinion, but think about it.  In the grand scheme of things, who have you paid attention to or listened to as you have grown into this community?  I have an answer for you... The Promoters!

Promoters have the loudest voice in the black gay community.  Its for the simple fact that everybody likes to party and promoters provide the space for us all to do that.  However, partying is not enough.  Partying is just another excuse for us to not grow up.  Given what usually happens at parties, dancing, drinking, dissing and drugging, there is no room for true engagement or fostering new and healthy relationships.  Don't get me wrong, I have met some incredible people in the party scene, but I am also one who likes to take the relationship outside the club.  I want to know more about the people that I give high-fives to on a weekly basis.  I yearn to know the bar fly that claims the corner seat each week.  Who are the people in your neighborhood?

I enjoy being a leader.  Admittedly, I once thought that I could be a part of the community transformation, but I have since thrown in the towel.  A true leader should never quit, this I know.  But, until we learn to appreciate and support one another, our growth will continue to be stifled.

I close with... Who would you choose to be your community leader? What does s/he look like?  What makes you follow this particular leader?  Will the black gay community ever catch up to our white counterparts?  Where are our neighborhoods and privately owned businesses?  Chew on that.

Always,

Notes from Nathan: Money Making Month!

When I told a friend that I was declaring March, money making month, she laughed in my face.  She asked why I was making such a declaration and I told her that it was what I needed to do. I find that I often say that I am going to do something, but allow the hustle and bustle of my lifestyle to keep me from my own promises.

Growing up, I was never taught what to do with money other than spending it or placing it under the mattress.  Whenever grown folks were engaged in conversation, I was given a dollar to exit the room.  "Go and get yourself some ice cream, and get out from under grown folks," my grandmother would say in her Augusta Georgia drawl.  An hour later, my tongue would be purple and green from consuming several pieces of grape and apple Now & Later candies.

As I got older, my mother started making me buy my own clothing with my $25 per week allowance.  I was given an allowance for doing chores such as washing dishes, washing clothes and taking out the garbage.  When I saved for a month and spent 90 percent of my earnings on one pair of jeans, I realized that I needed more of this green stuff if I were to fit in.

Today, I feel that money should be a subject just like English, Math and Science.  I don't believe that urban America is being taught the value of the oh mighty dollar.  When I see young adults rushing to purchase designer labels and the latest pair of sneakers, I am alarmed and curious to know what type of savings they have.  We allow money to become a sticky conversation amongst us.  So many of us want it but none of us really want to talk about it.  We dance around it.  We whisper about it.  Sometimes we brag about what we spend it on, other times we are ashamed to admit how we spent it.  And the list goes on.

This month my focus is money. Why? Because I intend to attract more of it into my life.  What's in your wallet?  Visit www.themoneymaestro.net

Notes from Nathan: I'm Scared of Money!

ecently, I was having a conversation with a childhood friend.  He asked me if I was afraid of money.  I said "no".  He asked me what I was doing to generate money for myself.  I sat puzzled and thought out loud, "well, I go to networking events, and I tell people on Facebook about my services as a life coach."  He told me to go on.  I said, "I am an entrepreneur."  His next question gave me shivers.  He probed by asking how much money I made from my 'services' over the past 60 days.  I gagged because I hadn't made nearly what I needed to make to survive.  My conclusion was that I am actually very unhappy with myself and my lack of productivity around generating income for myself.

My childhood friend read me my rights.  He then went on to educate me about what it means to be a real entrepreneur.  He told me about his home-based business and how he quit his job two and a half years ago to pursue "getting his hustle on".  Initially, I didn't want to believe anything he was telling me for the simple fact that when it comes to money, all I've ever known was that I needed to work hard for someone else to get it.  I listened, went to a few websites and joined a daily phone call that detailed how this business worked.  After toiling over this new possibility for a few days, I finally decided to take a leap of faith and begin a new journey.  I have always been a risk taker and from that I have found that people tend to follow my lead which is why he assured me that I would do well.

I literally had to convince myself that I am not scared of money.  I bought a domain name called www.themoneymaestro.net - The Money Master.  When I purchased it, I had no idea what I was really getting myself into but my friend agreed to coach me to success.  So, now I am on a new journey and I plan to make it a lucrative business for myself.  I have big dreams and the only way I will be able to achieve them is to put myself out there and not allow the naysayers to discourage me.

In closing, I ask you reader, are YOU scared of money?  What are you willing to do to generate your own income outside of what you may or may not make punching someone else's clock?  Visit www.themoneymaestro.net and learn more about how YOU can become your own boss!

Sevenly yours,

I LOVE NY 18 of 28 Places to Visit

Who doesn’t love bargain shopping? And, it makes so much economic sense for those among us who aren’t exactly rolling in cash. After all, if you can pick up designer clothes minus the fancy and high and mighty prices what could be better than that? However, landing your hands on lovely designer clothes isn’t so easy and, as experience will teach you, discount shopping demands a lot of skill and expertise. You have to learn how to wrestle with the crowd that pours into the outlet while hanging on to whatever booty you’ve managed to lay your hands on. Among all this madness you also need to make sure that the clothes you’ve chosen doesn’t have tears, holes or runs in them. As you can see, discount shopping isn’t child’s play!

Welcome to Century 21, located at Cortlandt St., between Church St. and Broadway. It’s known as “New York’s Best Kept Secret” but it’s hardly much of a secret now. It’s one of the best places in New York where you get the most fabulous designer clothes at absolutely throwaway prices.

There are racks and racks full of clothes and you have to dive into the mound of clothes to come up with something that appeals to you. You might find pretty much everything here appealing, but that’s a completely different point all together. And we say it again, the prices are unbelievable. You’ll find yourself rubbing your eyes and double checking the price tag on more than one occasion.

Stroll through the shop, make a dive for whatever you like and try them on, repeating the process as many times as required. It’s best to go there early, when the shop opens up and aim to be out of there before noon, when the crowd starts pouring into the shop.

The basement stocks electronics and household items and electronics. The men’s section is in the main level and ladies section is spread across two floors (for obvious reasons!).  Clothes for kids are on the second floor along with the shoes and lingerie.

The Bargains are excellent here. The prices are literally slashed and you can get Cashmere sweaters for $65.00, Tracy Reese dresses for $50, Seven for All Mankind jeans at $75.00, and Marc Jacobs’ dresses for $65.00! Can you believe that? The men’s section also has great discounts on all kinds of stuff and once you step in you feel like stocking up your wardrobe for the next couple of seasons.

So, if you don’t mind playing tug of war with a perfect stranger over a lovely Cashmere sweater, and you have no hang ups about changing in a less than private changing room, Century 21 is your kind of place.

Article courtesy of www.manhattanstyle.com

Notes from Nathan: I hate Adam!

Sex and the internet have intertwined so much that, its almost the equivalent to ordering pizza for delivery.  My internet rendezvous started when AOL chat rooms were popular.  It was simple.  You created a profile that included a few details about yourself, uploaded a few photos and waited for someone to respond.  Initially, I liked the idea of creating an alias.  It wasn't until later in my life that I grew to despise men living with fictitious stats, namely their health status.

I developed a love/hate relationship with online hook ups.  When I was hot, I was hot and when I was not, I was not.  There were times, I admit, that I had several 'connections' in one week, hell on occasion, in one night!  It ultimately depended on how close one lived in proximity to the prowling freaks and night crawlers.

In 2010, I have a considerable amount of hate for the #1 website for online hook ups, adam4adam.  One Saturday afternoon, I found myself scrolling through the various profiles and was astounded at what I found.  First of all, when I visited Harlem Central, I stumbled across a number of recognizable faces from my club promoter days.  Bottoms posing as tops, positives posing as negatives and the most gut wrenching ESCORTS!  I actually knew some of them. Men telling lies on top of lies regarding their body types and ages.  Hardly anyone is interested in hooking up with fats or fems.  We have a vast segment of the population that posts pictures of themselves that are over two years old and poor representations of who or what will appear at your front door.  Lies.  Many fems post images of themselves in their urban athletic drag.  It is your typical baggy jeans, doo rags and baseball caps.  Ultimately if it’s just a hook up, how will anyone know that you connected with a fem anyway?  Sex is sex.

I became most alarmed when I sent messages to people that I knew were HIV+ (now I know why people keep this information to themselves) and they were open to having unprotected sex with me.  Now mind you I was doing research, so no I wasn't using real pictures of myself.  This made me no better than the next, but I need validation to prove my point.  There was one 'friend' in particular who was not only willing to fuck raw, but it stated nowhere in his profile that he was positive.  Sure, we have been told to assume that EVERYONE is positive, but I'm not so sure the average mind can trick themselves into doing so, especially when the hosting party looks healthier than most crackheads.

Over the course of the years, I must have had about eight different screen names leaving me virtually untraceable.  It saddened me because that meant that I wasn't the only one who could leave without a trace.  This screams volumes when it comes to men and our lack of responsibility.  Its no wonder men get women pregnant and leave.  Its no wonder men infect other men and leave.  What is there to be responsible for after the nut is bust?  Nothing.  Its YOUR problem now, I got mine.

In my humble opinion, its too late to try to educate men over thirty.  Far too many of us are set in our ways.  We have had to do as others have told us for far too many years before claiming our own independence, so why would we listen to anyone now?

Sadly, yes we will all die someday, but until we put a stop to the online cess pools of 'anything goes' sex, our death will be wrapped or should I say unwrapped in a nice little package. THERE IS NO CURE!

And to think adam, the first known man has to share the namesake of this God-forbidden website.  So now what?  You've got mail.

Truly,

Notes from Nathan: Cross Your Fingers

What does it really mean when people cross their fingers?  Do we cross our fingers without taking action?  I was having a conversation with one of my peers the other day, and we were talking about a potential possibility for me.  He mentioned that he hopes that I get it and that he had his fingers crossed.  I told him not to just cross his fingers but do something about it.  Make a phone call on my behalf.  Send a letter of recommendation.  Help me reach my goal.

Sometimes we leave things left up to chance not even realizing that we have much more power than we give ourselves credit for.  Taking action is probably one of the best things you can do for yourself.  Crossing your fingers won’t get you anywhere.  What happens when you cross your fingers and get no results?  You end up with arthritis.

Crossing fingers doesn’t equal results.  Action equals results.

What actions are you going to take today?

Have a sevenly Thursday!

Notes from Nathan: Accomplishment

s we get closer to the end of the year, I reflect on the accomplishments that I have made.  For one, I am still alive, thank God for that.  I set out to meet new people and swim in a new pond and I do that with my super fantastic networking group on Wednesdays.  I have assembled a mastermind group that plans to take 2010 by storm.

One of my longest standing clients, Mark, came to me with a goal in mind and that was to make 100 friends on Facebook by his next birthday, January 1, 2010.  My commitment to my clients is to help them achieve their goals.  Mark has grown tremendously over the past several months and together we created this short video.  Please forward it to possible friends for Mark.

Are you ready to jump into a new year?  Do you have specific goals that you wish to accomplish?  Why not bite the bullet and make one of the best decisions to take you into the new year and hire a life coach?  Visit my website:  www.nathansevenscott.com and let's talk!

Experience Power, Passion & Fulfillment

Notes from Nathan: I don't know what to say

re you one of those people who want to say something to someone else but are sometimes at a loss for words?  Well, I'm here to tell you that if you know the English language, there is no such thing.  People have been saying that they are at a loss for words for as long as I can remember and my take on that is.  SAY IT OUT LOUD and work through it.  I have found that saying what you feel out loud, breaks the ice and it also put the other person at ease.  We get caught up in wanting to say the right thing in our daily situations, and there really is no 'right thing', we put too much pressure on ourselves.  Don't overthink!

If you are in a situation and you seek to gain the attention of the other person, take the risk and approach that person.  Have fun with it.  Start with a joke or a compliment.  Ask them how they are doing.  We live in a world that is fastly changing our social skills.  I recently found out that young adults aren't learning the art of manuscript.  I learned how to write in the 2nd grade.  I was told that since we have emails and texting, that the students don't need to learn to write.  That's a no pass for me.  How will these young people grow up to crafting their signatures to sign their checks?  Will the art of letter writing someday be a thing of the past?

The next time you are 'at a loss for words'...  Simply make your way through it by saying "I would really like to have a conversation with you, I don't care what it's about but I'm starting with "Hello!"

I challenge you to begin new conversations with people you don't know.  You may learn something new about yourself and definitely the other person.  Get out there and have fun!  LIVE!