In my experience in being in the limelight I have learned that haters will attack you left to right. Earlier this year I had a birthday celebration called Paparazzi and many of my peers and "suppose to be role models" attacked me for my party planner having a $10 birthday donation (which if you did not get me a gift would $10 matter?), my celebrity theme "Paparazzi", and for calling myself a gaylebrity (which is a nickname that our very own Lil Mogul gave me). Now I am bringing this up because the community and others will attack you for so many things, because they are obliviously just want something to talk about, many times people just love to feed off drama. I know that we were taught that it may be jealousy; however I disagree they just like drama and don't understand why people like myself or Tyra Sanchez are so special, who has recently been attacked again by a hater.
Every since Tyra has appeared on Logo's hit show "Rupaul's Drag Race," people have attacked James for being tagged the "Other Tyra"(like myself a nickname someone else has given him), attitude, speech, and many other things. I could sit here and go on and on about how people have attacked him and list all the negative remarks, but I am writing this to empower my fellow GAYLEBRITY! The other Tyra pulled a Beyonce Knowles (well she probably wouldn't have reposted the video) and practiced kindness and laughed the HATE off! I love you Tyra Sanchez you are one classy lady, check out what was said about "America's Sweetheart."
If you tuned in last week you will remember that we discussed the necessity of focusing more on the people doing the work than those who refuse to do the work. Chapter 3 is composed of 32 verses of which 31.5 are dedicated to describing who was working and where they were working. As I pondered conversations and meetings from this week that I have been privy to, I have returned to my own wonderment…what work needs to be done in our African American GLBT community and who is assuring that the work is being done.
It was my every intent to move into Nehemiah 4 for today’s study. However, I have found myself lingering in chapter 3 amazed by the work that the people of Jerusalem did in an effort to rebuild the wall and restore their city.
Here is a glimpse of chapter 3:
Ø “Eliashib the high priest and his fellow priests went to work and rebuilt the Sheep Gate.” Vs. 1 Ø “The Fish Gate was rebuilt by the sons of Hassenaah.” Vs. 3 Ø “The Jeshanah Gate was repaired by Joiada son of Paseah and Meshullam son of Besodeiah.” Vs. 6 Ø “Uzziel son of Harhaiah, one of the goldsmiths, repaired the next section; and Hananiah, one fo the perfume makers, made repairs next to that.” Vs. 8 Ø “The Valley Gate was repaired by Hanum and the residents of Zanoah.” Vs. 13 Ø “Beyond them, Benjamin and Hasshub made repairs in front of their house; and next to them, Azaniah, made repairs beside his house.” Vs. 23
In order for complete restoration to occur, walls needed to be rebuilt. There were gates that needed to be rebuilt. There were towers that needed to be rebuilt. There were even individual residences that needed to be rebuilt. The work needed to be done and it did get done.
In 21st century Black Gay America what areas of our lives and communities need to be rebuilt in order for this community, our community to flourish in a healthy way?
The Black Church: Many African American same-gender loving individuals, like myself, are rooted in the church. In order for the mainstream church to be fully equipped to minister to who we are in totality, Black church leaders are going to have to move beyond the archaic misinterpretation of scripture and embrace God loves us all and accepts us all without regard to who we love. In many instances it is not because our spiritual leaders don’t know better, they are just not ready to accept the financial fall-out that may occur if they move towards becoming fully inclusive. However tedious it may be, educated and empowered leaders of the Black GLBT community must partner with Black church leaders to usher in this necessary movement to and insure its completion. There is only one table and Christ has set the table for all to sit and be fed. Who will step up to the task of building this new paradigm?
Same-Gender Relationships: Too often I lament with my same-gender loving friends regarding our inability to enter into and maintain a healthy relationship. Why? Why? Why? Why does it seem so hard to achieve this goal? I know I’m as cute as 99% of my friends who are in relationships! I have a job! I have my own home and my own car! Okay, this is not about me! Could it be that even though we are embracing who we are completely, we still hang onto baggage that causes us to believe that we can’t have a healthy long-term relationship? We need more people working on this wall, equipping our community to not only enter into healthy relationships but to stay in them and keep them healthy. Let me know when the class is starting! I don’t want to put up another Christmas tree by myself! LOL!
Inter-Community Hatred: Let’s be real with this thing! Sometimes much of our pain as members of the African American same-gender loving community does not come from the heterosexual community. It comes from our fellow gay brothers and sisters. Words and actions filled with hatred. Lies…truths that are not anyone else’s business…the unnecessary disclosure of someone’s HIV status…rolling up on someone’s partner… The list goes on and on. The question is: who is going to take on the task to correcting this madness? If this type of behavior does not stop we will self-destruct and the blood of those who have fought publically and privately will have been in vain.
As I look at Nehemiah 3 again I see the solution to our issues throughout. First, we all are assigned to get our own houses in order and it is no better time than that present. Secondly, there are so many who are gifted to be community builders and community educators. Let’s accept the task and get to work. How do we respond to this call?
Not to brag on Houston but, I do believe that 2009 has been a very good year for my home city in regards to getting the walls rebuilt. Here are some of the things that are happening right now:
Ø The Men’s Gathering—a dialogue group for African American same-gender loving men Ø One Voice—a brain child of The Men’s Gathering that is composed of same-gender loving men and women Ø Brothers Speaking—a dialogue group and book club for African American same-gender loving men Ø HeART and Soul—a monthly spoken word and visual artist social event that targets members of the African American same-gender loving community Ø Progressive Open Door Christian Church, Through Him Fellowship—Open and Affirming churches with a worship setting that attracts African Americans Ø The Fusion Program—a HIV/AIDS prevention program for young African American same-gender loving men between the ages of 16 and 24 Ø Brothers Speaking—a large group dialogue event focusing on the needs of African American same gender loving men of all ages.
All of these groups, organizations and events are designed to rebuild the walls of our community. None are perfect but, all move with the intention of overcoming stigma, self-hatred and homophobia.
It does not end here. There is much more work to be done. Again, the question is asked of you, “What role will you play in this mammoth project? It’s your time to put on your work gloves, pick up your hammer and start the work.
As an African American same-gender loving man I have made a conscious decision to walk in my truth and do the work of creating safe spaces for members of my community and other marginalized communities to experience healing, education and fellowship. In this path I have at times found myself wounded by the people who I have often tried to support in their journey.
There was the time that a member of the church where I served as pastor told an associate minister that he had called me on several occasions and I would not return his call. The real truth is that he would leave me messages and then have his number changed so that I would not be able to reach him. I know, that’s a great length to go to…but it’s the truth.
Another time I was having lunch with co-workers and the waiter flirted with me. Someone at the table shared this incident with a leader in my congregation. This leader realized that he knew the waiter so he called the man and told him that I was interested in him and gave him my contact information. I noticed when the man called that he seemed a bit forward and I was a bit taken aback. Once I determined what was going on, I apologized to him and told him that we were a part of very childish prank. He was very understanding.
Most recently I was called in the middle of night by someone who called me a “bitch” and a “faggot” due to a matter that they really had no clue about. It had been a long time since I had heard someone call me a faggot…It was sort of like being called “nigger” by a white person.
All of these people have either benefited or can in the future benefit from the work that I along with other people in my circle perform. So, the question for me is, “Why do people not want to participate in their own healing and why do they continue to bring harm to the ones who have been gifted to heal?”
I realize that I am not alone in this struggle. There are others in ministry who are also wounded very deeply as we extend and expose ourselves to the community.
While in this place of wonder I am again reminded of Nehemiah’s journey to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. Chapter 3 of Nehemiah’s story provides details on rebuilding of the wall. It reads….
1--Then Eliashib the high priest rose up with his brethren the priests and built the Sheep Gate; they consecrated it and hung its doors…
2—Next to Eliashib the men of Jericho built. And next to them Zaccur the son of Imri built.
There are 29.5 additional verses that allow us to visualize what it may have looked like as various families, leaders and groups worked diligently to rebuild the wall of the city. But, when you read chapter 3 you will notice that there are 32 verses in this chapter. So, what about the .5 verse that is missing.
I’m glad you asked! Verse 5b reads, “but their nobles would not put their shoulders to the work of their Lord.” Wow! Amazing! I have preached this text on several occasions mostly putting the focus on that ½ verse about the nobles who would not do the work. But today, Spirit has shown me a new lesson out of Nehemiah’s journey. The lesson simply put is, “Don’t get distracted by the haters!” The writer writes 31.5 verses spotlighting the work that the citizens of Jerusalem did in their individual and collective efforts to rebuild Jerusalem. Only ½ of a verse was given to disclose the nobles’ refusal to do the work.
Ø Too often we spotlight those who will not do the work. Ø Too often we bring to center stage those who cause us pain. Ø Too often we focus on those who drag our names throughout the community with disparaging remarks.
Many times hurt people delight in being in the spotlight with mad-crazy behavior. Their behavior is often used to get us off track and possibly to cause us to completely abort the vision and the work.
Some tips on how to stay focused on your vision and mission:
Ø Nurture your prayer/communication relationship with God; Ø Surround yourself with a support/accountability group; Ø Address unhealthy behavior immediately by conversing and not confronting; Ø Don’t take it personal…most times it is not about you!
Whatever you are created, gifted and called to do in the church, community, your workplace and or your family, give the greater attention to those who are doing the work with you. Don’t get distracted by the haters….
