My Princess Boy

By Bruce Baker

Tampa Bay Natural Health Examiner

My Princess Boy is a book that began from one parent's wish to deal with her own struggles to accept her child from taking on gay-like behavior at an early age. Now, it is part of a national conversation that tries to determine if the behavior is healthy or the reinforcement is part of a child's natural health.

Cheryl Kilodavis is fortunate to have a loving husband, a home of her own, and several children to complete the picture of the American Dream. However, for one of her kids, a quiet storm developed months ago when she was forced to contend with a delicate issue. To her chagrin, little Dyson, 5, was showing signs of identifying more with girls instead of his peer group. This becomes the true test on what a person's inner beliefs are despite what the persona shows.

Young Dyson asked her during Halloween if he could wear a bright pink dress. He wanted become a princess boy, not only during Halloween; he actually enjoyed wearing dresses and bright pink and red colors. Kilodavis became outraged and pushed back on this type of taboo behavior as she was raised to denounce it, for fear that it does not fit the rules of society-at-large.

To her astonishment, her husband embraced the idea and just dismissed it as a child who is trying to explore his surroundings. He reasoned that to punish the child for his choices robbed him of his self-worth. Faced with the growing pressure to accept her princess boy, Kilodavis published a journal called, My Princess Boy as a means to cope with her mounting anxiety about how to deal with the revelation.

Over time, she realized that the child she raised is taking cues from her and that she should move to a point of acceptance in order for young Dyson to have a naturally healthy upbringing with parents who did not admonish him for his choices.

Soon, a major publisher discovered how well the topic would impact the mainstream, and awarded the mother turned author a contract. She soon realized the larger message in My Princess Boy is one of acceptance despite the harsh criticisms the public has to offer.

What are your thoughts? Is it naturally healthy to allow a child to cross genders at an early age? What impact does the decision one makes for their child have on the mental health of the child later?

Here's a simple answer to coping with a child who may present gay/lesbian tendencies: According to Charlotte J. Patterson, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Virginia, she recommends that you should desperately try to separate your immediate reaction from the love of your child. It makes a difference in how their natural health is impacted.

Do you know a little My Princess Boy?

Mom says, My Son is Gay

MY Son is Gay...

Or he’s not. I don’t care. He is still my son. And he is 5. And I am his mother. And if you have a problem with anything mentioned above, I don’t want to know you.

I have gone back and forth on whether I wanted to post something more in-depth about my sweet boy and his choice of Halloween costume. Or more specifically, the reactions to it. I figure if I’m still irked by it a few days later, I may as well go ahead and post my thoughts.

Here are the facts that lead up to my rant:

My son is 5 and goes to a church preschool.

He has loved Scooby Doo since developing the ability and attention span to sit still long enough to watch it.

Halloween is a holiday and its main focus is wearing a costume.

My son’s school had the kids dress up, do a little parade, and then change out of costumes for the rest of the party.

Boo’s best friend is a little girl

Boo has an older sister

Boo spends most of his time with me.

I am a woman.

I am Boo’s mother, not you.

So a few weeks before Halloween, Boo decides he wants to be Daphne from Scooby Doo, along with his best friend E. He had dressed as Scooby a couple of years ago. I was hesitant to make the purchase, not because it was a cross gendered situation, but because 5 year olds have a tendency to change their minds. After requesting a couple of more times, I said sure and placed the order. He flipped out when it arrived. It was perfect.

Then as we got closer to the actual day, he stared to hem and haw about it. After some discussion it comes out that he is afraid people will laugh at him. I pointed out that some people will because it is a cute and clever costume. He insists their laughter would be of the ‘making fun’ kind. I blow it off. Seriously, who would make fun of a child in costume?

And then the big day arrives. We get dressed up. We drop Squirt at his preschool and head over to his. Boo doesn’t want to get out of the car. He’s afraid of what people will say and do to him. I convince him to go inside. He halts at the door. He’s visibly nervous. I chalk it up to him being a bit of a worrier in general. Seriously, WHO WOULD MAKE FUN OF A CHILD IN A COSTUME ON HALLOWEEN? So he walks in. And there were several friends of mine that knew what he was wearing that smiled and waved and gave him high-fives. We walk down the hall to where his classroom is.

And that’s where things went wrong. Two mothers went wide-eyed and made faces as if they smelled decomp. And I realize that my son is seeing the same thing I am. So I say, “Doesn’t he look great?” And Mom A says in disgust, “Did he ask to be that?!” I say that he sure did as Halloween is the time of year that you can be whatever it is that you want to be. They continue with their nosy, probing questions as to how that was an option and didn’t I try to talk him out of it. Mom B mostly just stood there in shock and dismay.

And then Mom C approaches. She had been in the main room, saw us walk in, and followed us down the hall to let me know her thoughts. And they were that I should never have ‘allowed’ this and thank God it wasn’t next year when he was in Kindergarten since I would have had to put my foot down and ‘forbidden’ it. To which I calmly replied that I would do no such thing and couldn’t imagine what she was talking about. She continued on and on about how mean children could be and how he would be ridiculed.

My response to that: The only people that seem to have a problem with it is their mothers.

Another mom pointed out that high schools often have Spirit Days where girls dress like boys and vice versa. I mentioned Powderpuff Games where football players dress like cheerleaders and vice versa. Or every frat boy ever in college (Mom A said that her husband was a frat boy and NEVER dressed like a woman.)

But here’s the point, it is none of your damn business.

If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for Halloween is somehow going to ‘make’ him gay then you are an idiot. Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, OK. I will love him no less. Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off.

If my daughter had dressed as Batman, no one would have thought twice about it. No one.

But it also was heartbreaking to me that my sweet, kind-hearted five year old was right to be worried. He knew that there were people like A, B, and C. And he, at 5, was concerned about how they would perceive him and what would happen to him.

Just as it was heartbreaking to those parents that have lost their children recently due to bullying. IT IS NOT OK TO BULLY. Even if you wrap it up in a bow and call it ‘concern.’ Those women were trying to bully me. And my son. MY son.

It is obvious that I neither abuse nor neglect my children. They are not perfect, but they are learning how to navigate this big, and sometimes cruel, world. I hate that my son had to learn this lesson while standing in front of allegedly Christian women. I hate that those women thought those thoughts, and worse felt comfortable saying them out loud. I hate that ‘pink’ is still called a girl color and that my baby has to be so brave if he wants to be Daphne for Halloween.

And all I hope for my kids, and yours, and those of Moms ABC, are that they are happy. If a set of purple sparkly tights and a velvety dress is what makes my baby happy one night, then so be it. If he wants to carry a purse, or marry a man, or paint fingernails with his best girlfriend, then ok. My job as his mother is not to stifle that man that he will be, but to help him along his way. Mine is not to dictate what is ‘normal’ and what is not, but to help him become a good person.

I hope I am doing that.

And my little man worked that costume like no other. He rocked that wig, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

and in my book ...

She is the Best Mom of the Year of 2010!!!

Mommy's Blog Page: Nerdy Apple Bottom