Thursday, June 7, 2012
Never Settle For A Good Enough Relationship
One of the lessons I've learned from being single for a year is that I never have to settle for a good enough relationship. You know what I'm talking about when I say good enough relationships.
When it comes to being with someone most people are scared to be alone. Some are extremely dependent on being in a relationship. They don't want to live the single life for too long. They really want to be with someone. Due to that, they settle for a good enough relationship. It's a relationship where you know it's not going anywhere, but you choose to stay in it because you don't want to be by yourself.
It's actually much worse than a dysfunctional relationship.
For a dysfunctional relationship, there are everyday problems that will surprise you all the time. However, you will do your best to compromise on a daily basis. A good enough relationship is a relationship that is obviously going nowhere, but you decide to accept it. You've accepted the fact you will never be accepted completely by the other person and vice versa. You've accepted that things are never going to change. You've accepted that you are going to be completely happy.
I remember being absolutely dependent on relationships during my teenage years. I was looking for love because I wasn't getting it from my friends or family. This one particular guy I dated was my obvious guy. He was into the performing arts. He loved sex as much as I do. He never wanted to leave me. I never wanted to leave him.
However, it was never good from the beginning. We were living in different worlds. I was the boy next door who was too focused on work and not partying with a group of people. He was a bad boy who cared less about work and wanted to just party all the time. When it came to the arts, he would leave his talents out the window and just waist it on the party lifestyle. We've had numerous arguments, which led to break ups and make ups for three whole years. It was completely difficult to deal with on an emotional level.
Then one night, I remember us sitting outside on the balcony at a gay bar. We cuddled with my head on his heart and he said "It's very obvious, don't you think? It's obvious that we are not a good match. You're good enough for me. I'm good enough for you. But we will never be complete as a couple because we are never meant to be a couple. So why not we stay in this relationship, knowing that we will never be truly happy? Be a good enough person for each other."
Obviously, you would walk away from it. However, I was so afraid of being alone, I stayed with him for a couple of more months. Admittingly, we were never happy. I dealt with the fights and arguments. I dealt with the fact that there was never going to be a happy future. It was an ultimate good enough relationship between two teenagers.
Our relationship ended when he left the state and didn't tell me that he left or where he was going. In the beginning, I was incredibly sad. Now that I look back, I'm glad it happened. It was a sign telling me that I didn't have to settle for a good enough relationship. Not only was I was going to be happy as a single man, but when I do get into another relationship, the two of us were going to accept and love one another completely, and never be each other's good enough.