Is Watching Pornography Considered Cheating?

One day, I decided to help out a friend of mine that is the executive director of a community center he runs. I never turn down helping a friend, especially when it's someone I've met since I was five years old. I was in charge of checking kids in and out at the front desk. That alone was my sugar rush.

Suddenly, another friend of mine happened to walk by. He is an exterminator that checks the place out once a month. This was my first time seeing him in months. Let's call him Henry.

After getting extremely excited over seeing each other, we decided to talk about what we were going through. I talked to him about my upcoming projects, which was a very long list at the time of the conversation. He ended up talking about his love life. I don't understand how I am to get that out of people. I never intended on being the person that anyone can talk to. I just happen to end in that position there because I am easy person to talk to, and I am a braniac with a capital B.

I told him these numerous stories that ended up in numerous questions. What I mean by that is every time we finished a sentence, it always ended up asking ourselves a question regarding our everyday lives. Because of my background work as a self-help guru, Henry couldn't help but to ask me something that he needed advice on.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked.

"Go right ahead," I responded.

"If you are watching porn, are you cheating on your spouse?"

All of sudden, everything just froze. It was like my clock of life was completely frozen. My mind was revolving around that entire question. Once everything didn't look frozen anymore I started giving him numerous different answers, so that I could avoid questioning myself at that moment.

Later that day, the question kept on popping in my mind. We are now at a point in our lives where everyone has porn in their house. Even though there are still some debates about the billion dollar industry, it is admittingly part of our everyday lives. There are some couples that play the tapes in order to give them an extra rush while there are some couples that considers it very offensive to have it on during their own sexual activities. But is there a time when you press play and starts watching yourself, you are mentally picturing yourself having sex with someone else and not with your significant other?

When it comes to relationships is watching pornography considered cheating?

I'm Smart In Friendships, But A Rookie In Relationships

I think it's something that a few of us aren't honest about. I'm not afraid to admit it. It's all apart of the journey. I'm smart in friendships, but still a rookie when it comes to relationships.

It's quite hard for some people to hear that from someone like me. When they look at me, they see a person who is incredibly talented, intelligent beyond his years, and has an incredibly bright future ahead of him. They see me receiving accolades from various things ranging from my creative work to philanthropy projects. All of those visions come from just looking at me. So it shocks people when I tell them that I don't have a boyfriend.

Well I hate to break it to everyone. It's not always that easy.

Growing up, my main goal in life was to look for people that would give me true love and acceptance. I never really aimed that towards relationships at that time. It was always friendships. When you're an outcast in school and the black sheep in your entire family, it becomes somewhat of an obligation to find true friendships. So that's what I did. I was looking for friends to love me for who I am. This was my life's mission. 

Now that I've managed to maintain wonderful friendships, this dating thing is kind of still new to me. Even though I've been in six relationships from ages 14-19, I still feel like a rookie. I think that's partially why each of those relationships were on and off. I didn't want to go towards new people. I wanted to stay in my circle and be with the people I knew personally. Of course, I've realized that it's not a good idea. When it's over, it's over.

It's been a year and a half that I've been single, which is something I haven't done since I started dating when I was fourteen. The time I've spent by myself made reevaluate my life and I came to this conclusion when it comes to relationships. I'm still interested in dating. I was born in the fall, the most romantic season of the year. But I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a little scared and incredibly nervous about meeting someone.

Is The Person You Hate Actually The Person You Like?

It's quite an unusual realization. You might think at first glance that this doesn't happen in real life. Then once you pay close attention you realize that this unusual part of life that actually happens.

Do you remember that person you couldn't stand in the beginning. I'm talking about that person that did his/her best to get under your skin. Even if you are a calm person, there is just something about that person that rubs you the wrong way.

In the beginning, there is a incredibly rough pack between you two. There are words being exchanged and possibly fists. The second that person walks in the room, you are getting this terrible sensation in my stomach. Everyone met someone like that whether they like it or not. Then as the months or possibly years go by, you begin to develop these feelings you never had towards this person. You are looking at this person in a different way. Suddenly, you realize that you actually like this person. The crazy part is that the other person feels the same way.

It's quite an unusual thing, but this happens in everyday life.

Back in high school, I remember this one boy that I couldn't stand to be around. His way of playing around with me was rubbing me the wrong way. I couldn't stand looking at him. I am a calm person, but I would always explode in front of him. This man is still to this day the only person that I have ever cussed that much in front of a person. The other person is my mother.

Once graduation was over and I finally met him again at a rock concert, I couldn't help but to develop these unusual feelings I had towards this person. I instantly knew what it was, but I couldn't believe it was towards one of the people that made my life a living hell. I happened to have a crush on this man, which really frightened me.

After that confession, I began to think about life. If that the people that we despise the most are actually the people that are going to be a part of our lives for quite a long time? I know that your best friend and everything is part of the picture, but what about the ones that came into your life unexpectedly?

Is Your Cousin Your Secret Gay Lover?

I can't tell you how many times I've heard this before. I don't think I'm the only person who's heard this thing. This one thing that's supposed to be a secret has become this thing that can turn into a popular Facebook topic if you want it to.

When it comes to the gay community, do you ever run into those two men that appear to be a little bit more closer than they say they are. One of those men say that the other one is his cousin. In the beginning, you kind of go with it. Then you pay attention to the way they are interacting with each other. If you are very observant over everything, you already know that something is not right. You've seen the way relatives are close to each other, and the way these two individuals are interacting with each other doesn't appear to be blood related.

Later on, you finally realize that these two are not related. They are actually a couple.

In the beginning, I thought this was going on with this one person I met, but I later found out it happens all the time. I remember one day working alongside with these two men for this event I was hosting. I volunteered my services in putting together the set days before I had to host the actual event. They needed an extra hand and there I was with nothing else to do.

The two men told everyone that they were cousins. I went ahead with what they told me they were. Then by the second day, I knew it was a lie. They thought they could pull one on me, but it didn't work at all. As an openly gay man, you can kind of tell when two men are a couple just by seeing how much time they spend with each other, and how they converse with one another. It brings out the gaydar and you can feel it just by standing next to them. Every gay person knows what I'm talking. Not only that, but I'm also a writer and writers are known for being very observant about everything. It's called "The Writer's Way of Thinking."

I went ahead with their little secret. Everyone knew the two of them were gay, but they didn't know they were dating. The whole process of them keeping their relationship a secret was incredibly hilarious. There are so many stories, if I wanted to, I could make this blog post a five part series. One day, we went out for lunch and they finally revealed to me that they were dating. I admitted to them that I already knew, but I chose not to tell them because I'm not one of those people that asks them the immediate question "Are you two lovers and not cousins?"

For me, I have no problem keeping a secret when it comes to relationships. If they want to keep their personal lives to themselves and they don't want to be public about their relationship, it's no problem with me. Until they want to tell me that they're dating, I don't say anything, neither do I provoke them to out their relationship to me. However, the whole journey is quite hilarious.

This is an example that I see with numerous couples. There are some couples that always refer to their lover as their cousin. Little do they know that the image they put on their mate has become incredibly known throughout the LGBT community? If you're going to keep your love life private, may I recommend you stop calling them your cousin? It's an instant giveaway.

Since When Is Being Gay and Intelligent A Turn Off?

In life, there are so many things that we have to learn. You could be eighty years old and still haven’t learned half of what’s going on in life. Unless you are the next Albert Einstein, you have a long way to go. Intelligence is a wonderful thing. Learning different things is an amazing adventure. You are fueling your brain with more stuff every single day. Whether you are using Wikipedia on the computer, watching a variety of shows on television, or reading different types of literature, you are learning something new every single day.

Some of them may be things you might not need in your everyday life. Just consider extra stuff to put in your memory box. It might come in handy when your college professor gives you a pop quiz, and there is that one question you know you haven’t in class, but you read about it somewhere else. But why is it that knowing about so many things ends up being a turn off for someone who used to be interested in dating you.

Growing up, I was book smart. I was a shy individual that did nothing but stay focused on my school work and go straight home to do my homework. If I wasn’t doing homework, I would be on the computer researching something that was interesting to me. I was filling my brain up. Sometimes, it was too much. I wasn’t ashamed being someone who was book smart and not street smart. That’s something I’m still adjusting to right now.

But when it came to dating I noticed something very odd was going on. The men I was with winded up being people that was turned off by my intelligence. Whenever I said big words like “reciprocal” or “surreptitious” they would look the other way at me, and just walk away. They were turned on by my looks, but my knowledge was a different story. No matter what I was talking about; politics, sports, authors, entertainment, they were off by it.

One of them men said to me “You know what Roque, I really like you. You are an attractive young man who I would sleep with in a second. But can you do one thing for me? When you hang out with me, adjust your vocabulary. Talk to me like a normal person. I don’t want you upstaging me with that out of this world brain of yours. Also, change your looks. I don't want to be walking around with a nerd. I want to be walking around with a (N word). Act like a real black gay male.”

In the beginning, I did do that. I didn’t talk the way I used to talk. I was saying things that he said a “normal” person would say. The N word was popping out of my mouth like crazy, which is a word that I don't say or use at all. To be honest, I don't like being around people that uses it all the time. They try to turn my clothes into a more urban style rather than the casual and conservative style I was wearing. There was a moment when I was about to sag my pants for a week.

But after a while, I realized this was so stupid. Why is it that my intelligence is not something you are comfortable with? You should be happy that you have a smart person with you. I stopped calling him the very next day and moved on with my life.

Once I began reflecting on that situation, I realized that this has been going simultaneously. For some reason, people think that being gay and intelligent is not a good combination. It’s something that shouldn’t exist. After that situation, I couldn’t help but wonder. Since when is being gay and intelligent a complete turnoff?

Are Third Wheels Allowed To Hang Out With The Lovers?

When you're in a relationship and the hang outs have been stunning, you always think about what's it going to be like when the two of you go out with each other again. All of a sudden, things are beginning to change. A third person has been added to the mix. You are being introduced to this person who begins hanging out with you two more often.

The two of you have been going out for weeks now. You want all of those times to be romantic, but it's hard for you to do when you look over and see this other person following your every move. Then every time you try to tell your mate that it's starting to get awkward, he/she always answer with the same sentence "That is my friend."

Later on, secrets begin to come out. Almost everything you predicted turn out to be true. This person is not only a friend, but turns out to be a secret lover. A secret lover that your mate has sex with on the side or sometimes wants you to get involved with in threesomes.

You always knew that there was something weird about this other person, but you didn't know that things were going on the way you predicted. Now only question is going on in your head. Did the third person knew about it and was playing along?

It's a habit that I've seen going around with many relationships. You meet someone. You go on wonderful dates. All of a sudden, there is a third person hanging out with you two everywhere you go. Then everything that you are doing with your mate has the other person involved in it, especially sex. Later on, the secrets are revealed.

Knowing that this is going on in relationships, I can't help but wonder. Are third wheels allowed to hang out with the lovers?

Can The Aftermath Of Sex Be A Pain In The Butt?

One night, after pleasuring myself to some decent pornography, I couldn't help but think about the two people that were in the video. Sure, it looks good in the moment. They are giving each other awesome pleasure. They are rocking each others world, whether they are top or bottom. But once the video ended, one question occurred in my mind.

How do they feel and what do they do afterwards?

Based on personal experiences, I found the aftermath of sex to be a horrific process. First, you can hardly walk. The mid section of your body is slightly hurting from all of that sex. But that's the least of your worries. You have now wondering how you are going to get this person out of your house. Even though the individual is sleeping on the other side of the bed, you personally don't want him/her to be staying in your house. That's why you let the sex happen sometime before midnight.

After you finally managed to get the individual out of your house, you begin to get this weird feeling in your stomach, and have to rush to the bathroom. If you were drinking alcohol, you throw up. In other cases, you are sitting on the toilet, releasing the remains of whatever it was that was completely wrecked on the inside. Then you grab a bar of soap, cover two of your fingers with it, and slightly wash your insides.

After flushing your toilet, you move over to the sink and start brushing your teeth. You had your tongue and lips around many different parts of the body. Whether it's kissing the stomach and nipples, or sucking their front door, you've had your tongue and mouth all over the person's body. So you brush your teeth for a long time. Then you compliment the brushing with not one but two cups of Listerine.

Once you finish brushing your teeth you head over to the shower to turn the water on. You want to get rid of the smell of sex after your crazy session. You stay in the shower for quite a while and begin to reflect on that night. The good, the bad, and what fields you think you will be better at next time.

If you truly want to get rid of the smell, you remove the bed sheets, put it in the laundry, grab some new sheets, and then let out the Febreeze.

The first day is truly a pain in the butt. Once the second day arrives, you begin to get extra worried. You don't know where this person has been. People don't truly tell each other about their status. You begin to get slightly worried about the things you feel in your body, it provokes you to go the doctor and get yourself checked. You are making sure that everything about you is clean while the aftermath of sex is still fresh.

In life, we are careful about everything. Now that the world has these new sexually transmitted diseases, you become extra protective. Life is starting to be crazy thing with the new things you got to watch out for. Even though sex is a wonderful activity whether it passionate or a just a Monday morning workout session, I can't help but wonder.

Can the aftermath of sex be a pain the butt?

You're Never Too Old To Find Love

I said this once and I will say it again. I am a fan of romantic comedies and buddy comedies. I don't care what time of day it is, or even if happens around night time. I will sit there in the theater and enjoy myself.

The one movie that I can't stop thinking about is Something's Gotta Give. It's a romantic comedy directed/produced/written by Nancy Meyers. This is one movie that stand out to me. It centers around the lives of two people who's combined age is near the triple digits. What surprised me was that I am young man who is just entering adulthood, and I could totally relate to what these older people were going through.

I sat there in my bedroom, watching every moment that this couple went through. Even though I was young, their stories touched me. Here is this guy that is a total bachelor. He dates these young women that are decades apart from him. Then after a traumatic heart attack, he stays at his girlfriend's house, where her mother happens to be living in at the moment in order to get some work done. The girlfriend leaves for work. So the two of them are alone. They become good friends at first, but they suddenly get close.

Sadly, they couldn't be together because one of them has never been in love. So he doesn't know how to cope with his feelings. Once he finally realized what love was he fought to get the girl of his dreams. I know it's a very unusual plot, but you can easily relate to this story if you pay close attention to it.

The one thing that I like about this movie is that I hope it puts an end to what people say about love. They always say that they will be lonely forever once they reached thirty. Teenagers say twenty years old is old. There are times when I just want to slap them in the face. I am turning twenty this year and I can't wait for it to come. As I get older, I feel the growth inside of me. I become more responsible and learned more than I thought I would in one year.

So for all the people reaching their twenties, thirties, fourties, and fifties, you are never too old to find true love. Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson's age was 125 combined by the time they received accolades from this movie. It's never too late for love to come into your life.

Below is the movie trailer of Something's Gotta Give

What'll I Do Now That I Am Single- Part 4

They're Here!

So throughout the entire process of being single, the only relationship you are in is the one with yourself and guess what, you will not get jealous if you decide to date other people. Now by dating I am very old school with my definition, so what I mean is hanging out and getting to know an individual who may potentially become that special someone. Now one main thing I run into time and time again with my friends is where do you find a good man or woman? Now from one of my really dear friends I learned a lot, he explained to me that romance always happens when you are not looking. Now I have been hearing this for years and I thought I really had come to terms with that, so I would pretend like I wasn’t looking however I would never find anyone. Well it is apparent what the issue is there, I was still looking. So my advice to you is “STOP LOOKING!” The minute you stop doing this, potentials will start falling from the sky.

Now you may not be looking for that special someone just yet, you might want to have fun, well if that’s you go out and be free. If you are a free spirit though, you must be careful. One thing that I a have learned in the dating game is that you cannot play with other’s feelings or emotions. Many times you may not be interested in someone as much as they are interested in you, you are just having fun with them for the time being and you really don’t see any potential for this person in the way that they view you and you continue to play with their heart, that’s not right. Make sure that those that you are playing with only see this as fun as well. We will touch on this much later though, for now I am going to expose to you where you can find these people to keep YOU having fun.

Your Art is "The Great Catch"

So November is here and the time has fallen back, people are gradually forgetting about their waistlines (except me and my crew), and The FUTURE is celebrating ART for the month of November. With all of the success surrounding my series I thought today I would talk about the wonderful artwork that most of my readers each appreciate “The Great Catch.”

Now what is “The Great Catch?” Well for many it could be a number of things an attractive potential partner, successful, young, wise, mature, beautiful, handsome, great body, smart, caring, and sexy the list really can go on and on. Most great catches know that they are great catches and that is where the problem falls into play. So how do you deal with a great catch? Now I ask this question, because when you find a great catch no matter how hard you try not to show it, you always do. So I am going to tell you what you have to do in order to relax under infatuation, because that is what it is at first. Now I know some of you are reading this and saying I know he is not about to tell me to play games and know that I am only talking to my premature relationships, casual daters, or the ones who met their great catch a week ago. What you need to do is remember that you are a great catch too. Please don’t put this new love of your month on a pedal stool to make them far more superior when you are. So what if they make more money than you, maybe you are having a rough period because of our economy. So what if when they walk into “First Fridays” everyone is surrounding them, trust me that there is someone in there that will want to dance all over you as well or maybe even buy you a drink (I didn’t say go and do this, but know this little information in the back of your mind), at the end of the day if you don’t believe that you are “The Great Catch” as well, you will loose your great catch.

All my friends know I have dated a lot in my young life and I have not been in very many relationships. I date because in the dating stage you learn a lot about people and sometimes some people that I thought were “The Great Catch” where actually “The Great Mess,” its so funny how people can paint themselves as if they are a piece of fine art by Picasso and in actuality they are a replica of a true work of art. I am a huge advocate of loving myself first, because so many times we put our great catches first and forget about ourselves. In the dating stage if you see your great catch not giving you everything that you are giving them and they only call you to hang out, or take you on dates every couple of weeks, or the phone calls are happening less and less, your great catch is exploring other options. This does not mean that they are not interested, but they are just making sure that they caught the right fish and you are not just “The catch of the day.” This means they are just dating and yes there is a thin line between dating and relationship, just know that there is a line that exist and since the line does exist they are two different things. During this period of them deciding what they want, finding out if you are the one; you need to do the same. Trust me if you consider them “The Great Catch” and they have been around for a while, most likely they consider you “The Great Catch” and you need to make sure that this is the one you want as well. What is good for the goose is good for the gander.