I remember going with you to Chesapeake Bay and I saw my first farm raised fish pond. I think there were salmon
swimming in there. I remember when the boat came in and you, your fishermen friends, and Uncle John unloaded the
wild caught fish: lake trout, shad, bass, and even live crabs. I remember a group of black men and white men
laughing together knowing that this was a good catch and you all would be racking in the dollars. I remember this in
Virginia. I remember when I made momma cry ‘cause she looked at the calendar we always kept in the kitchen to
remind us of important appointments and I think momma was going to t he calendar to be reminded of her dentist
appointment and saw marked on the calendar: June 21st, Dad comes home. I remember this was the day you came
home from being hospitalized with pneumonia for over a month. I remember. I remember. I remember when you
starred on the 6’oclock news…Something you tuned into daily, in our living room, but this day you were not home,
you were in jail and you headlined the news that entire evening…In handcuffs they had you and tucked your head
into
the police car ‘cause you sold illegal dear meat. I remember being so sad...so angry…so confused. I remember.
I remember loving Kraft American cheese. I remember the individual wrappers. I remember going through 5-7 slices a
day for 2 weeks straight, and you warned, “That cheese is gonna bind you up,” and I remember thinking you didn’t
know what you were talking about and I kept eating my American cheese, and two weeks later, I learned my lesson.
My bowels couldn’t pass through, and you had to buy me prune juice, which was so gross. I couldn’t stomach it, so
you mixed it in with some coke and day later you stood by my side as I screamed in the bathroom like a pregnant
woman giving birth (as I would imagine momma giving birth to my hard-headed self). It finally passed through. You
grinned and I said, “Yeah, I learned my lesson.” I remember.
I remember you trying to get your strength back, testing what life had left. I remember you trying so hard. I remember.
I remember you lying in bed. I remember communicating through raised and lowered hands and blinks of the eye and
movements of the lip. I remember your last nod…your last smile. The look of joy that you were completing your last
lap…finally you could float with no support. I remember.
Lover:
I remember warm lips and green eyes. I remember your skin pressed against mine. I remember thinking finally I got
you. I remember trying to remember you. Wondering how you would look if you were still here. I remember being
called your little brother and that made me feel like 100%. I remember missing that you were not here. I remember
feeling complete. Feeling that no one else was as beautiful as you. I remember growing of age and no longer was I in
that little brother stage. I remember re-arranging a song for you - the melody of Brian McKight’s “I Remember You,”
and how I always think about you. I remember loving the fact that you were much older than me…I found that very
sexy and it didn’t frighten me. Being in love with you – I wanted to learn more from you. Not once did I feel that
would
be too much for you as I remember being one body occupying the same space. I remember being afraid when
school
took me away. After you left I remember holding on to our passionate nights…the memories of our
lovemaking
that
felt completely right. I can still feel you with me though physically you’ve transitioned to that next
life. The warmth of
our lovemaking permeated my soul, and I remember not being capable of letting that go. I
remember cooking dinner,
caring for the dog, welcome home kisses, weekend rides, surprise gifts, standing together
arm in arm as warm water
flowed over our heads and down to our toes. I’m remembering the memories of not having
you here…gone for over
10
years…and in between the space I still feel you.
Brother:
I remember the day we first met, trying to figure out, which way we were “bent”
Negotiating what is wrong and right, and if we were actually heaven sent
But we kept moving on, figuring out this life with each other
Brother oh Brother, I remember you Brother.
I remember young souls, fragile bodies, ripe eyes, curious minds, and chocolate thighs.
I remember rendezvous in dim lit parks, wondering if we’ll ever find the “thick one”
But truthfully searching for that brother Who could rescue us from the dark…
That darkness has taken so many of us – 1 by 1.
Brother oh Brother, I remember you Brother.
I remember getting lost in the trance Pop, dipping, and spinning on the dance floor
Sandwiched between brown bodies, sweaty bodies, tight bodies
Could we ask for anything more?
I remember your admiration for Victoria Snow – Mother and Queen of the drag pageants and drag shows.
How we would create our own house pageants –toilet tissue, tinsel, bedroom sheets, lampshades Damn…we were
some silly gays…and those were the days. Ms. Newcomer, Ms. Continental, Ms. Gay Black USA wannabe
And you up in drag…Girl that was some “tea!”
Brother oh Brother, I hear you Brother
Sometimes at night, the sight haunts me
When I remember the days you could barely move – the sickness seeping through
As I lie with knees to chest grappling in my fate too.
Death is inevitable – we’ll see each other soon
Brother oh Brother, I remember you Brother
I want to hug and kiss you Brother
I really miss you Brother
I remember, I remember, oh I remember…
We’ll speak soon my Brother/Boy/Friend
©2009 Cornelius Jones Jr.
