IYANLA’S DRAMA WITH OPRAH MAKES HER BOOK #1

(blackmediaSCOOP) That tv cat fight between Iyanla Vanzant and Oprah Winfrey is paying off! Iyanla’s latest book “Peace From Broken Pieces: How to Get Through What You’re Going Through” is now a New York Times bestseller! You may remember, Iyanla enjoyed regular segments as a self-help guru on “Oprah” until a falling out ended her appearances 10 years ago. In February she returned to the show for a no-holds-barred interview that aired in two parts.

The two finally got to the bottom of the miscommunication that forced them to go their separate ways, which left Iyanla broke and on the verge of committing suicide. FYI, “Peace From Broken Pieces,” is published talk show host/author Tavis Smiley’s SmileyBooks. It currently sits at #1 on the Times’ Hardcover Advice & Misc. list.

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Why me and My Ex Did not WORK out!

So have you ever asked yourself why your relationships don't work out?

Well something I have learned is when you are in something it is really difficult to really figure out what you are doing wrong and when it comes to the heart you may not be honest with yourself and others. I am very aware of this, because I just recently completely got over someone and I am able to reflect on all of my relationships and figure out what I was doing wrong.

One thing that I am very excited about is that I have not jumped back into a relationship, when I got over my previous ex I soon after met someone else and started dating and I was not able to reflect and learn from my past. This time I am actually looking over what did not work and it feels great, because I am able to be honest with myself and prepare for true love.

Here are a few tips that I have found actually help...

DON'T!!!!!!

Cater to his every need. There’s a great chance that if you do this – cater to every whim of a man, he’s going to stick around. But it’s not because you are the person for him, it’s because you’ll do anything he wants. NEVER cook a man dinner every night. NEVER do his laundry if you are dating. NEVER clean his apartment for him and NEVER run over to his place simply because he wants sex.

DON'T!!!!!!
Change your appearance for him. If you he doesn't like the way you dress, your hair, body, make-up or shoes, don’t convert. If you do you are showing him that you are easily manipulated. Men like a partner with there own mind, and if you are too masculine (I doubt) or effeminate it's not going to work by changing what you wearing, you are just not compatible. Don’t change who you are just because there’s something about you he doesn’t automatically like.

DON'T!!!!!!!
Act like his mother or sponsor. Don’t treat any man you are dating like a child. This means no calling him all the time. Don’t ask him where he’s been if you haven’t heard from him in a while and never tell him to button up his coat if it’s cold outside. He already has a mother, he doesn’t want you to be one too.

DON'T!!!!!!
Assume he knows what you want. No one can read minds. No one minds operate the same way yours does. If you expect a man to know what you want from him, you’ll always be disappointed.
DON'T!!!!!!

Be afraid to say NO. If you are not ready for something or DON'T want to do something. Say NO.

ALWAYS!!!!!!!

Love ME 1st!!!!!!

What'll I Do Now That I Am Single- Part 3

MEET MY FRIEND FRIEND

So now that you are dating yourself many times you may have an empty feeling on the inside, I can only assume that you don’t like something about being alone and you must find out what it is that you don’t like about it. Someone once told me that you cannot be lonely if you like the person you are alone with and I have learned that statement is very true. Many times we think that we cannot get some of the benefits that a relationship has if you are not in one and that’s the emptiness. Well I am here to argue the difference, because if you list the things that you do with a companion there are only a few things you need someone else for and I have a solution to that too. I introduce to you the friend friend, yes I said it a friend friend is not a regular friend and you all know this. It is a friend with benefits. Now you can decide what those benefits are, it could be companionship, someone to make you laugh, financial advancements, or sex you decide and trust I will not judge. Now with the friend friend keeping you busy we can work on filling this void and most likely your void is coming from insecurities that you may have within yourself.

One way to get over YOUR insecurities is to make a list of all the things that you like about YOURSELF, these things can range from goals you achieved to actual physical attributes that you have. By recognizing things that you appreciate about yourself you are gradually building your self-esteem. You can also fill this void by doing things that you enjoy; in addition you can learn or start doing new hobbies that may strike interest in you. These are all examples of things that will fill your emptiness. Look at you dating yourself and enjoying your friend friend, I am so proud of you! Happy Valentine's Day!

What'll I Do Now That I Am Single - Part 2

Make Me Whole

There are some people that need someone in their life to make them feel whole, why is that? If you need someone with you to fill a void then I suggest some self help techniques to assist in filling this void other than a person, because no one can make you happy with yourself, but yourself. 

I am a very busy individual who loves companionship. I felt as though I wasn’t cut out for a relationship at one point.  Each person that I met ended in disaster and I did not understand why. Then finally my dream came true and I met someone that filled my entire being and I felt whole, my career was on track and so was my love life. Then my partner told me that the relationship felt empty and that I was far too busy for this romance we had created. What do you think I did? Many probably think that I chose the relationship and lived happily ever after. Well I didn’t, I chose to analyze this romance we had created and I saw it was not healthy. 

In relationships there are certain things that should be held high one being time, another being commitment. Our relationship was missing that, I had taken advantage of our union and took it for granted, the reason I chose not to work on fixing what we had was because I wanted to keep this special person in my life as a friend and not someone that I may one day resent, because of sacrificing other things that seemed important to me. Deep down in my heart I believe that our hearts will reconnect when the timing is appropriate. After the split one major thing I noticed was in our time apart I felt like I was incomplete and empty. I felt like I could not function without my lover in my life. Uh oh, I had become dependent; this frightened me and had to figure out what to do. Now you may be saying that this is what you are suppose to have a form of dependence in a relationship and I am not saying that I disagree, but what is wrong with saving this form of dependence for marriage. A relationship that is under 3 years, I believe that it is far too soon to be dependent on another individual. This is one thing that will defiantly end your relationship. How could I depend so heavily on someone I had only been with for less than a year?

So many times in relationships we only think about ourselves once the warranty expires, and one reason we do that is because we are only ready for a relationship with ME, there is that word again you can’t seem to escape it can you. Well I guess because you are only ready to date yourself right now, so let the dating begin. This is the month that we celebrate love, dating, and matters of the heart, so why not start with yourself?

What'll I do now that I am SINGLE

Gone is the romance that was so divine tis’ broken and cannot be mended… What’ll I do when you are far away and I am blue what’ll do? These are classic words from a classic song, the under line text is basically saying welcome to being single. Now I have heard mixed reviews on what it is like to be single some think that being single is the greatest part of your life and then others think that it’s the worst feeling in the world. Why is it that so many people feel so different about the state of being single? If we go back to the lyrics from the song “What will I do,” we will discover what the issue is, you must figure out what you will do during this time of being "alone."

Now that you are absent from a relationship don’t feel like you are missing out on all the perks. You still can have romance, companionship, and fun without the relationship. One thing I have learned to do is become one with me. In my years of life I learned that the best way to get to know someone is going out of town on a trip with them or just some plain old alone time of just the two of you. The same goes for getting to know you, now I know you are probably thinking I know me, however do you really? I thought I knew myself, but I really didn’t. When you are single this is the perfect time to take advantage of getting to know YOU, once getting to know YOU, YOU will discover new and exciting things about yourself. Now as you are reading this you are probably thinking I will also discover what type of person I want to date too. Now this is one of the first things we do when we get out of a relationship and also when we first started dating. We make this list of what we are looking for, now that is a great thing to do, however we are not there yet. I want you to clear your mind of a partner at this point; I really want you to focus on YOU. Are you focused on YOU as the person? If so this is where you decide what you like to do for fun, places you want to see, new career options you may want for yourself, also work on your outer appearance, go and buy that new outfit you have been eying, and I do love a spa date with ME. Notice that new word that popped up? In the affair with Me, Myself, and I you are learning that right now it is all about ME. Who is me? Me is you and you are me, and this first step of figuring out what to do while that partner is absent is all up to you or ME.

The Artist Leroy Campbell

THE FUTURE IN ART

Simply put, Leroy Campbell is a quintessential artist. His work, created in a variety of mixed media and reflective of the African-American experience, evokes an unexpected range of emotions. He becomes a griot, telling stories of hard work, dignity, love and caring: stories which are at times haunting and painful, yet hopeful and inspiring, and bring to life folks who are proud, god-fearing and self-reliant.

He is best known for his silhouetted elongated figures with long necks. He paints them without eyes or noses; with mouths only, which he says leaves it up to viewers’ interpretation. His work embodies a universal message yet remains an extension of his southern roots. Campbell, born in Charleston, South Carolina, a city particularly rich in African-American history, culture and traditions, is a self-taught artist who began the serious pursuit of his craft in 1984 while living in New York City. As he has grown, so has the intensity of his artistic expression. Artistically, he captures the spirit and flavor of African-American life in the south by employing his rich multi-media collage techniques including a mixed-media of vintage clothing, quilted fabrics, burlap, needles, thread, elements of southern terrain, newspaper and the skillful use of color.

His most recent series “The Newspaper Series” features news print as its most dominant feature. His use of newspaper signifies more than one denotation. On one hand, it represents the Gullah rituals of witchcraft to who by papering the walls of their houses with news print protected them against and rid of curses and dangerous spirits. On the other hand, the newspaper serves as a time capsule, since upon a closer glance the newspaper articles triumphantly detail the palpable, unwavering strength and perseverance of people of African ancestry from slavery to present day.

His newest works interpret present day by his characterization of people painted blue. The color blue emanates an energy that allows us to look beyond and increase our perspective outward. It contains a cool vibration that is helpful to communication. It counteracts chaos or agitation, and provides protection, health, confidence and strength.

“I am an artist who believes that art can influence, inspire, and encourage dialogue. I believe art heals, breaks down stereotypes and advocates diversity. My new works proclaim a spirit of universality that will hopefully open the lines of easy communication and promote peace.”– Leroy Campbell

Campbell's artwork is sold to contemporary galleries and collectors internationally. His work is displayed in corporations, universities and private collections. Campbell’s distinctive art has been seen on hit television shows "Martin", "Fresh Prince of Bel Air", "Living Single", "The Jamie Foxx Show", "The Cosby Show", "In the Heat of the Night", and in feature productions like "The First Wives Club" and others.