It Is What It Is Pt. 11 by Karen Minors

It had been almost a year since I saw him last, and I think of him quite frequently, dreaming of the life we could have had together. We shared some intimate moments; memories of Carlos that I would cherish forever; and a secret that I would never admit to Joaquin. I can remember the first time Carlos walked away, and it stung me. Carlos wasn’t ready for what I wanted, and when he finally confessed his love to me, it was too late. I had already met and fallen in love with Joaquin, and we were talking of marriage. Then, six years later and it just wouldn’t work.

That’s when I emailed Carlos. It was around Christmas. I just wanted to see what he was up to. Whenever I drove to work, I looked across the highway at the building where he worked and thought about him, wondering if he was thinking about me. I just wanted to say hello, but it brought back all of the feelings I had for him. And when he decided to leave his girlfriend, I thought for sure we would finally get it right and be together. But, we didn’t.

As I reminisced over those loved and lost, my radio belted out Beyoncé's song “Déjà Vù”:

“Know that I can’t get over you, cuz everything I see is you, and I don’t want no substitute, Baby I swear it’s déjà vu!” 

I laughed out loud, and then thought about Malachi. And I wondered what my girls would say about me dating a white man. I don’t even know why I am trippin, cuz Kiana’s husband is white, and we all love him. A million and one things crossed my mind, and I began to feel guilty. Why am I trippin’ about what they may say? I want to be happy and I need to keep my options open. All my girls got their love thang goin’ on. I deserve it. I am worth it.

It Is What It Is - Completed!



My journey as a virgin author has been an experience to say the least.  As I embarked on this road of creative writing, I challenged myself to become a DIVA: Determined Individual with a Voice to become an Author.  It took me three years to complete this novel, and I have loved every minute of it.  From deciding to self-publish to changing my character’s story lines a few times, I have completed the task I began.  Having found and reconnected with a friend from college, I trusted her with my manuscript and hired her to be my editor.  She did not disappoint, and at one point, I found myself challenged with having to give her more as she gave me homework to perfect my story and simply told me “you are holding back….I need you to bring it!” And so I did.

As I hold my manuscript in my hands, pleased with what I have done, I am overjoyed at the fact that I created what I set out to do.  Years ago, while serving in the Army, I made a list of things I wanted to do in life.  One of the tasks listed was to write a book.  Nineteen years after being told by my professor to use my hobby to work for me, I am happy to say that I am doing just that.  And it feels good to sit down and read a book that I wrote!

This is not the end of that list….I have started the sequel and have many ideas to keep pressing forward.  The author in me has come alive.  So, watch out because I have some stories to tell.

It Is What It Is Pt. 10 by Karen Minors

When I started seeing Carlos, Derek continued to come by my apartment, claiming he left something that he needed right away. I had no business getting involved with him in the first place. Never mess with your neighbor. It’s just too close for comfort. He eventually moved away, after getting evicted and taking a job down south. I put all my energy into my business, exercise, work, and rekindling a relationship with Carlos.

Joaquin was the next man, and you got that story on him.

Then there was Carlos. I really wanted to be with him, but after our relationships to others had ended, we didn’t want to ruin our lifelong friendship and be on the rebound with one another. I saw him off and on for the last two years of my relationship with Joaquin. Yes, I cheated; I was wrong. And I am not proud of it. I wasn’t ready to leave Joaquin completely. I really missed my friendship with Carlos, and I was being selfish. When Carlos began to back away from me, I made up my mind to let go of it altogether. 

It Is What It Is Pt. 12 by Karen Minors

I sat down at my desk and read the messages left from Malachi. The first one read ‘it was so nice to meet you today. I can’t wait to get together.’ Nice, I thought, but too personal to leave with my assistant. The second one was just a number to call. I took out the business card he gave me earlier. The numbers are different. What is that about? Is he being sneaky? I had to stop myself.

You’re doing it again, Maiya. Give the man a chance.

I laughed out loud.

I should just call the number.

          There was a knock at the door.

          “Come in.”

          “Good morning, Sunshine. Whatchu up to?” asked Milan.

          “Hey, girlfriend. Just about to make a phone call and maybe set up a date, but I’m not sure. I don’t wanna seem pressed.”

          “Okay, stop the press. Call who? Date? What’s going’ on?” inquired Milan.

          “I met a man after my workout this morning, and we exchanged numbers. Only problem is, I don’t know if I should call him or wait for him to call me again. Or should I not call him at all until after he calls me two more times, or …”

          “Wait, wait, wait!” Milan cut me off. “You need to chill out and stop reading all those books. Last month it was Brothers, Lust, and Love and now it’s He’s Just Not That into You. Maiya. Girl, slow your roll. Stop playing the games, okay. Carlos isn’t coming back and Joaquin you don’t wanna come back. And, ooh wee, who cares about what happened to crazy Derek. Cut the brotha some slack and call him. You’ll never know until you give it a chance.”

It Is What It Is Pt. 13 by Karen Minors

“That’s just it. He’s not a brotha,” I said. I frowned up my face and added, “And shut up. I learned a lot from those books.”

          “I’m sure you did, sweetie. But, let’s move on now. So what if he’s not a brotha; we know you like the Latinos. No problema chica,” Milan laughed.

          “Um, no. Malachi is not Latino. He’s white.”

          “Oh. Oh. Oh. Wow. And he got you thinking about calling back! Well, he must be fine then”, screamed Milan.

          “He is, but … I don’t know. The whole interracial thing. People can be so cruel, you know.”      

          “Damn, girl. Let me find out you trying Something New like Sanaa Lathan’s character in the movie. Get down with the swirl, Maiya! Do your jungle fever thing.  You’ll just be the chocolate chip all up in his vanilla ice cream! Ha-ha! No, but seriously, though. You know it wasn’t all that bad with me growing up with my German mother and mixed father.”

          “You are so ghetto! And with you, it was different because you still look like us, so nobody ever teased you like that.”

“Girl, don’t trip. You gotta do you. And you were teased about as much as me, with your mixed self.”

“Yeah, ok, I guess you’re right. Let me not keep you from your clients. Are you busy today?”

          “Nah. My next client isn’t until 10:30 am, but I have training to do with Sean to work that out. We are having a brief staff meeting before that. Seriously, all jokes aside. He could be a nice person, but you’ll never know by holding on to fantasies of Carlos. You are blocking your blessings. You say you’ve moved on, but you haven’t. Let go of what you had. Just call the man. Malcolm, Maxwell, Matthew.”

It Is What It Is Pt. 7 by Karen Minors

I could feel this man staring at me. Damn, I know he ain’t coming over here to talk to me, I thought. Yep, here he comes.

Malachi walked towards me, looking behind me at something.

          He smiled and said, “Good morning.” 

I responded with a nod and a smile. “Good morning.”

          “You know, I was watching you swim and I have a suggestion. If you dig in just a little deeper during your crawl, you will get more out of the stretch all the way to the end, and cut your time by about 45 seconds.”

          “Well, thank you, but I’m not trying out for the US Olympic team. I’m just tryna get my workout on, mister whatever your name is.” I replied with a bit of attitude.

          “Ooh, sorry. Didn’t mean to strike a nerve. My name is Malachi. Malachi Taylor. Just thought I could help,” he responded, extending his hand.

          I shook his hand. Mmm! Big hands, too! “My name is Maiya Vaughn. Nice to meet you. Well, I better get going. And I’ll think about what you said and try it the next time I swim.” I rolled my eyes as I gathered my gym bag and started walking away.

          “Excuse me, Maiya? I know this may seem a bit forward, but I was wondering if maybe we could get together for coffee or lunch sometime. If you are interested, that is.”

          “I think I may have some time to spare, I mean share, with you.”

          “Okay, then, Miss Maiya. We’ll exchange cards and I will call you this week.  Until then, take care young lady.”

          “Bye,” I said, as I walked into the locker room.

It Is What It Is Pt. 9 by Karen Minors

 

Derek was a homicide detective with the Metropolitan Police Department. He spent a lot of long nights at work. We met during my third year in college when I came home for winter break. He was in the police academy at the time, and once he graduated, there was more training. He was Hershey chocolate brown with dark eyes. We were together for two years, but there was too much BMD. Baby Momma Drama. After awhile, I just couldn’t take it. Between his ex-girlfriend with whom he had no children and his daughter’s mother, I was living a life of the Young and the Restless.

 

His ex would show up at his family’s functions, and Derek always made an excuse for her. I guess I should have left his ass alone when I discovered the condoms missing from the pack and her number on caller ID. She would show up at his apartment and just sit outside waiting for him to come home. He used me as a scapegoat, and like a fool, I always took him back. When he hit rock bottom with his finances and there was no way out, he called his ex to bail him out. I remember one week I saw her car at his place every day and the two of them leaving out together in the morning; I could no longer take it. I cut him off completely and blocked his number out of my phone.

It Is What It Is Pt. 8 by Karen Minors

As I walked into the building, I couldn’t stop smiling. Douglass & Vaughn Physical Therapy Services, Inc. was located adjacent to National Harbor Medical Center. It was a four story brick building that offered extensive outpatient therapy services, to include occupational and physical therapy. There was a pool on the first floor, and three days a week we offered water aerobics. There was also a sauna, Jacuzzi, and massage suite for additional services. I was very pleased with what we had accomplished. This had been a good year. There was enough room for other businesses opportunities as well, and we hoped to expand some time in the near future. Milan runs the physical therapy side of the business, and I am responsible for the administrative and business management side. I guess we would technically be titled as CEO and COO. We are doing quite well for ourselves.  

As I sat at my desk, I thought about what Kari said. I want to see you happy. We all do.  I keep people out of my personal business, but everyone knew about my breakup with Joaquin. I got lost in my work, and my attitude changed for the better. I am happier now, whereas before, I was short-tempered with the staff, and a few times, Milan told me to take some mental health days. I have longed for someone to share my world with, but my track record with men and relationships was 0-3 in the last eight years.

Introducing Karen Minors

Growing up in Fort Washington, Maryland, Karen shared a love for language arts and reading, along with her sister. She found that her high school English literature assignments were more fun than tedious, and would later express herself in writing. During her freshman year at UMBC, Karen's writing caught the attention of her African American history professor, and she was encouraged to share an assignment in front of her class. Her exposure to Erotique Noir that same semester sparked a greater love for poetry and writing, and she would later express herself by embarking on a dream: to write a novel. Through much prayer, Karen decided to act on her "to do" list and began her novel in 2007 while sitting on a Bermuda seashore. Doors were opening for her, and Karen found herself in the presence of authors who freely shared advice and writing tips, but most importantly, their support. Karen's first novel, It Is What It Is, is to be released some time this summer. She is a Registered Nurse presently working in dialysis in Maryland and northwest Washington, D.C.

It Is What It Is Pt. 1 by Karen Minors

My name is Maiya Vaughn. I am twenty-eight years old. I have never been married and I have no children. I am currently single, and not looking for love, since I have done that for the past six years. And it has landed me nowhere. Nowhere except in the land of the brokenhearted. My girlfriends say I just happen to settle, just for the sake of having a man. They are probably right. I just wanna be loved. And not just by anyone. I take good care of myself, and sometimes, I am harder on myself than I should be. I am attractive, and I have a nice shape. Standing five feet, six inches tall, weighing one hundred thirty pounds, and wearing a size eight. I got a little something going on. Don’t get me wrong. I am not conceited or overly confident. Just positive and love myself. So, at times, I will toot my own horn. Beep, beep!

I came upon this website, mochaluv.com. Rather, I was introduced to it by one of the girls at work. She mentioned how she had met a few nice men on the site, and enjoyed the dating scene. I was curious, and I thought I could meet someone to hang out with and have fun. When I read a few of the stories and how some couples had even gotten married, I was all for it. You see, I am a sucker for romance. I think I am a good person and know I will make a man happy one day. I just keep running into the wrong men.

TO BE CONTINUED...

It Is What It Is Pt. 6 by Karen Minors

Malachi stood at six feet four inches tall, and weighed about two hundred and thirty pounds. I was good at gauging a person’s body frame because I spent a lot of time at the gym and knew how to size up a body. I could tell that he worked out regularly, because he was cut up. Body chiseled and very defined. He had creamy, French vanilla skin, and I thought that man can be the cream in my coffee!  His eyes were blue-grey and his hair brownish-blonde and wavy. He had just enough facial hair that you could see his five o’clock shadow, and he had a full, thick moustache. I had to turn away or he would catch me staring. Men always gawked at women, I thought, so it’s all good for me to do the same!

 I have never seen this man at the Arena before, and I come here all the time. I swim three days a week, and run four to five times a week. I was determined to break the generational curse of obesity and hypertension which ran rampant in my family. Thus, I committed myself to a healthy lifestyle, which included eating right and daily exercise. I always remained focused on my workout program at the Arena, but this man took my mind away for a few moments. Now all I had to do was get up the nerve to speak.

It Is What It Is Pt. 5 by Karen Minors

Milan tested me later, asking “Don’t you want a man who could at least pray for you and with you if you were on your sick bed?” She had a point. And I prayed long and hard, and received the same answer that He gave me six months prior to us breaking up for good. I stayed home from work and moved out in one day. I left Joaquin a “Dear John” letter on the kitchen counter along with my set of house keys, and never looked back. 

So, here I am, single and successful in my career. I have goals that I still want to achieve, and even though I am no one’s wife, I know whatever God has for me, it is for me. I am no longer that complacent woman in search of her soul mate. When it happens for me, I will have to let go of the past and move on. I have accepted my singleness and am happy for once. My girlfriends are still trying to hook me up, and I am open to dating. I know that this time around, I will not settle for less than what I expect. He must first have a relationship with God. And he must treat me right!

It Is What It Is Pt. 4 by Karen Minors

     So, how did I discover that Joaquin was not the one for me? Wow, I was blinded. How could I have not known? It was all around me and it was so obvious to my best friend Milan and my aunt Rocsi. I was just not ready to let go. The writing was on the wall, the red flags were there, but I was afraid of being by myself. I wanted a man to love me and I desired to be a wife and a mother. One of the many deal breakers with us was the fact that Joaquin did not want any more children. He finally admitted it after we had been together for three years. I was so upset that I cried for two days straight and I didn’t take his phone calls. 

     I was devastated. I thought maybe he would change his mind later on. My aunt Rocsi prayed with me, and Milan came over and just sat with me. She invited me to join her Singles Ministry at her church and challenged me to their fast. I agreed to do it, and I gained so much strength. The Lord spoke to me, and I knew I had to give up my relationship with Joaquin. For a solid month, I did not see him, and when we talked on the phone, it was very brief. I told him of my spiritual quest, and he accepted it at first. When he realized he wouldn’t be getting his freak on, he blew up and said something about “being tired of waiting for you to go through your spiritual thang.” I didn’t want to accept the fact that I would be alone at first, but my spiritual growth and self worth meant so much more to me. But even after all my praying and fasting, I still couldn’t let him go.

 
TO BE CONTINUED...

It Is What It Is Pt. 3 by Karen Minors

     When we first decided to meet face-to-face, I was very excited. We met at Jasper’s on a Friday evening, around five o’clock, just before the after work rush. We shared appetizers of buffalo wings and potato skins and more good conversation, and he told me how he thought we could be good friends. I was fine with that, and discovered that soon we would become more than just friends. The attraction was there, and I was happy to say that I finally had a man. We stayed online every night into the wee hours of the morning, getting to know each other better. We eventually spent more time together, taking turns spending the night over one another’s place. The first time he came to my place, we stayed up all night long just talking and listening to music. When we realized how late it was, we were both fast asleep on my living room couch. I never felt like he tried to take advantage of me, and we soon decided to see each other exclusively. But I knew he was tryna get some. Hey, I was tryna give him some, too. OKAY! That’s how men are anyway. I wanted to see if he could live up to the Latino side of him and show me the Latin lover. He was okay, but hey, what’s a girl to do. I was young and inexperienced, so, to me, it was a good start.

     There was a lot about Joaquin that I really enjoyed, and more that I eventually learned to despise, or wish that he would make adjustments to. I have since learned that you cannot change a person, especially if they don’t think there is anything wrong with them. He was not a family person, and I am all about my family. See, I grew up without my momma. She died giving birth to me, and my daddy never remarried. My auntie raised me as her own, and even moved into my daddy’s house to help him raise me. I am close to my entire family, and although I have no siblings, my best friend is like my sister. She grew up right next door to me. Her name is Milan, and I’ll tell you about her later.

TO BE CONTINUED...

It Is What It Is Pt. 2 by Karen Minors

Anyway, I met this guy on Mochaluv.com, and we connected instantly, sending each other IMs, until we finally exchanged phone numbers. After talking on the telephone for about two weeks, we decided to meet in person. We wanted to see if the connection would be there in person, especially since we had seen one another’s pictures online, and we both liked what we saw. 

His name is Joaquin and he was thirty years old when we met. I was twenty-two at the time and had just started going to school for my Master’s degree. He had never been married, and had a teenaged son named Noah, whom he was raising on his own. I had to give it to him; that was very admirable for a man to raise a child by himself. Joaquin was the oldest of three; his younger siblings both women. He grew up in Upper Marlboro and was living in Crofton, where he worked as an office manager part time. He went to school at night, so he could study marine biology during the day. He had a huge aquarium in his home, and it was filled with exotic sea life from everywhere. Joaquin’s father was from the Dominican Republic and his mother African American, a native Washingtonian. He had toasted almond skin and jet black wavy hair. He was a momma’s boy, and he was very accustomed to being by himself. This should have been a red flag for me, but trust me, this didn’t come out until after I was in way over my head. Although he shared with me his desire to one day be married and have more children, he was only saying what he thought I wanted to hear. And he was absolutely right. We stayed together for six years. Many of those years found me just going through the motions.