So for the past few days I have urged myself not to get angry and to practice forgiveness. In life we many times experience things and we often don’t understand why, I am true testimony that things just seem to happen and there is always a reason. Many of my friends and loved ones have already heard the horrible news about my minor attack on last Wednesday and no one knows of the details; well the time you have been waiting for has finally revealed itself.
So on last Wednesday at around 5:57PM I was heading downtown on the 3 train, when I got on the last car there were about five teenage boys on the train being loud and obnoxious. Living in New York City you become immune to the way that young people act and the way that they carry on, I have seen youth curse at each other, other passengers, fight, wrestle, and everything else when riding the train or walking down the street. When I did get on the train I decided that I would sit on the opposite end of the train and read my book “The Other Side of Paradise” by Stacyann Chin, while reading my book minding my own business and not even looking in the direction of the young boys, I heard them curse at each other, laugh, talk, and wild out in New York City youth’s normal behavior. In this entire process I did not feel concerned, threatened, or frightened at all; when the train entered the 96th street station I noticed the boys were walking in my direction and the first one had a plastic poster covering (lighter than glass, but harder than regular plastic) in his hand rolled up and the next thing I knew was I was being struck by it, immediately following the first blow another individual punched me in my face, I was down instantly. When I came too the doors had closed on the train and a young passenger on the train ran to my aide.
As the young men did run off the train I did hear homophobic remarks and thought back to my recent trip to Miami when a very masculine friend of mine was ashamed to be seen with me in public due to the fashionable garments that I choose to style myself in, mind you I don’t wear women clothing; however I am a fan of v-neck shirts, skinny jeans, and accessories. Him being deep from the south he is not accustomed to men dressing fashionable and defiantly not someone as comfortable with their sexuality as I am.
Honestly I have never been very masculine and New York has just assisted in me learning to accept myself not liberate myself. I remember a conversation where my friend said that Miami is very homophobic and not like New York and I argued back that New York, London, Little Rock, Miami, LA all have people who are just ignorant, homophobia is everywhere. If you cannot deal with my clothes and they alarm you, or my effeminate personality, then you cannot deal with me, because THAT’S WHO I AM AND I AM NOT SORRY THAT I AM NOT SOME BUTCH MASCULINE ACTING MALE! Gone are the days that I will pretend to be someone I am not to satisfy others, that is not loving ME and I love ME to damn much! Loving me has not always been easy, but with soul searching I finally have learned to do so, I just pray for the young men that did this to me, because there is obviously lots of pain that they are dealing with and it made them feel big to hit a grown man and run, I hope I helped a few of their chest hairs grow in. I do forgive them for hurting me, and I pray that before it is too late that they change their thinking on how they view punks, faggots, queers, freaks, homos, or whatever other name they can come up with. I love myself for who I am and I am not changing for anyone.
Thank you to everyone who sent an email, text, instant message or phone call and for all of you who are wondering did I do anything… I did file a report. I love you all and please don’t get mad and feed into this type of behavior, put on your best drag (whatever that may be) and walk with your head high, I will not let these homophobic idiots hold me back. We are GREATER than HATE! I AM LOVE!
So on last Wednesday at around 5:57PM I was heading downtown on the 3 train, when I got on the last car there were about five teenage boys on the train being loud and obnoxious. Living in New York City you become immune to the way that young people act and the way that they carry on, I have seen youth curse at each other, other passengers, fight, wrestle, and everything else when riding the train or walking down the street. When I did get on the train I decided that I would sit on the opposite end of the train and read my book “The Other Side of Paradise” by Stacyann Chin, while reading my book minding my own business and not even looking in the direction of the young boys, I heard them curse at each other, laugh, talk, and wild out in New York City youth’s normal behavior. In this entire process I did not feel concerned, threatened, or frightened at all; when the train entered the 96th street station I noticed the boys were walking in my direction and the first one had a plastic poster covering (lighter than glass, but harder than regular plastic) in his hand rolled up and the next thing I knew was I was being struck by it, immediately following the first blow another individual punched me in my face, I was down instantly. When I came too the doors had closed on the train and a young passenger on the train ran to my aide.
As the young men did run off the train I did hear homophobic remarks and thought back to my recent trip to Miami when a very masculine friend of mine was ashamed to be seen with me in public due to the fashionable garments that I choose to style myself in, mind you I don’t wear women clothing; however I am a fan of v-neck shirts, skinny jeans, and accessories. Him being deep from the south he is not accustomed to men dressing fashionable and defiantly not someone as comfortable with their sexuality as I am.
Honestly I have never been very masculine and New York has just assisted in me learning to accept myself not liberate myself. I remember a conversation where my friend said that Miami is very homophobic and not like New York and I argued back that New York, London, Little Rock, Miami, LA all have people who are just ignorant, homophobia is everywhere. If you cannot deal with my clothes and they alarm you, or my effeminate personality, then you cannot deal with me, because THAT’S WHO I AM AND I AM NOT SORRY THAT I AM NOT SOME BUTCH MASCULINE ACTING MALE! Gone are the days that I will pretend to be someone I am not to satisfy others, that is not loving ME and I love ME to damn much! Loving me has not always been easy, but with soul searching I finally have learned to do so, I just pray for the young men that did this to me, because there is obviously lots of pain that they are dealing with and it made them feel big to hit a grown man and run, I hope I helped a few of their chest hairs grow in. I do forgive them for hurting me, and I pray that before it is too late that they change their thinking on how they view punks, faggots, queers, freaks, homos, or whatever other name they can come up with. I love myself for who I am and I am not changing for anyone.
Thank you to everyone who sent an email, text, instant message or phone call and for all of you who are wondering did I do anything… I did file a report. I love you all and please don’t get mad and feed into this type of behavior, put on your best drag (whatever that may be) and walk with your head high, I will not let these homophobic idiots hold me back. We are GREATER than HATE! I AM LOVE!
OMG!!! We are here for you Dwight. We love you most dearly man, and we get crushed when one of our friends get hurt.
ReplyDeleteBravo to you Dwight! You're bigger than I am because I want those people arrested for what they did. Hopefully karma will catch up with them soon. All I can say is, bravo to you for loving yourself just as you are and not changing one thing based on anyone else's standards. I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you but glad to witness the strength that you have in moving forward and undeterred. My heart goes out to you,.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMy Friend, I am really proud of your post and your choosing to RESPOND instead of REACT!
ReplyDeleteIt takes a truly EVOLED SENSABILITY to "turn the other cheek" not so it can be struck as well, but in order to get a different viewpoint. You have turned the other cheek and decided to SEE ONLY GOOD... Only GOD! I appreciate you. We are all raised up in consciousness for your words, your energy and your love! If you need to talk... you know where to reach me.
Rev. Quenton S., The Master Oracle - http://www.InsightIntoYou.com
We are behind you and thank God you are safe. We are rooting for you! Sekiya, The Rainbow Collective.
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best Dwight and so sorry this happened to you.
ReplyDeleteTJ
I want to say that I am relieved that you are alive and well after an incident which could have been so much worse. But mentally, you seem to be coming out on top and I admire that! Keep on being strong and being YOU-a testimony that you are a MAN, regardless of how others view your persona or style of dress.
ReplyDeleteSome individuals may disagree, but I have a loose theory. It's unfortunate, but masculine gay men ALSO get discriminated against - by other masculine men and by feminine gay men. They get called everything from "faker" to "not wanting to pick a team", when many of them were not running from gayness, but instead attempting to lead "quieter" lives. I believe many guys like that who experience this type of "trapped feeling" as youth eventually evolve into gay bashers. Hasn't it been proven or scientifically theorized that gay bashers are usually gay? If this is true, that may explain why - not excuse but EXPLAIN -why those young (more than likely gay themselves) creeps did that to you. A lot of them have a severe URGE to prove how "masculine" they are. To me, if a person is really straight - I mean REALLY REALLY straight - they wouldn't have any concern about who you sleep with or how you act. They'd be too busy trying to holla at GIRLS.
Much love & prayers for you, Dwight. You are a wonderful man. I am down south these days and worry for my brothers who don't "pass." I often sit by them on public transportation and make a point of being friendly so haters can see that people of good will who look like middle aged straight people (and maybe to them a teacher or a cop) aren't going to sit by passively if they want to engage in any divisive hateful stigma-mongering.
ReplyDeleteI have always been inspired by your courage and creativity, Dwight--now I am also uplifted by your self-love and God spirit. Much love,
Dawn (Reel)
Hi, Dwight:
ReplyDeleteYou may not remember me but we had our first showing @ BLYN Black Pride 07, I showed my documentary called Being Proud Black & LGBT in America.
You are always emailing me with some exciting news about what is going on in your world. But this is one email had not expect to receive from you, of all the people. It’s really disturbing news to hear once again in 2010, that someone can still be bashed for same loving gender being. I’m glade you know GOD most young gays today male or female would not dear say the word of the creator.
Anyway I glade that you forgive them I just want to leave you with a message that I repeat through out my day that helps clear me of unwanted negative energy that sometimes bring curtain unwanted experience your way. I love you; I sorry, please forgive me, and thank you.
And thank you for sharing,
GOD blesses!
Djmonalisa
Filmmaker.
Hi, Dwight:
ReplyDeleteYou may not remember me but we had our first showing @ BLYN Black Pride 07, I showed my documentary called Being Proud Black & LGBT in America.
You are always emailing me with some exciting news about what is going on in your world. But this is one email I had not expected to receive from you, of all the people. It’s really disturbing news to hear once again in 2010, that someone can still be bashed for same loving gender being. I’m glade you know GOD most young gays today male or female would not dear say the word of the creator.
Anyway I’m glade that you forgave them I just want to leave you with a message that I repeat through out my day that helps clear me of unwanted negative energy that sometimes bring curtain unwanted experience your way. I love you; I’m sorry, please forgive me, and thank you.
And thank you for sharing,
GOD blesses!
Djmonalisa
Filmmaker.
Dwight as your sister I just want to let you know how very proud of you I am. That made me think of the attack I was involved with. People are going to be people. Not because of who you are but because of Whose you are. God sees us for the people on the inside. Not what is shown on the outside. So yes continue to be the wonderful person He created you to be. I love you. God bless you and Keep your head to the SKY.
ReplyDeleteTeresa O'Neal-Frazier
Little Rock, AR
Hello, boo. This is The King of Erotica, bestselling autho Dapharoah69. I love you lots, you know that. Keep your head up boo. You being attacked symbolizes that something GREATER awaits you on your journey to greatness. We were destined for what uphold in our daily lives and you Dwight are a shining example of beauty, brains and wholesomeness. You are the real Deal and you always will be the real Deal and I am happy and proud to call you a dear friend.
ReplyDeleteYou need me you know how to reach me.
Love Larry
Hi Dwight, It's Mani here, hope you remember me! I've been keeping up with you via your newsletters. I am so sorry you had to go through this horrid event. I applaud you for standing up for yourself and being able to share the details. Keep your head up!
ReplyDeleteLove Mani
Though I do not agree with them beating ya ass. You deserve it. You clearly do not know how to not cross the lines and respect someone's personal space. Your ability to respect a person's simple wishes is just ignorant. You deserve every ounce of beating you get and that is very karmic.
ReplyDelete